Orgasms - How Mastering Our Breathing Makes Them Better
Photo by Sam Cernik on Unsplash
Orgasms in general for men are short and vacuous while for women they are full and rich. There is so much variability in the orgasms that both men and women can have, and the individuals who have taken the time to explore their sexuality will recognize that one of the most well-kept secrets to better orgasms is something very readily available to us… breathing.
Breathing as a life force
Our breath is key to refueling our life force energy and how we use this is dependent on the importance we place on it.
Breathing is mostly an unconscious process and it only through various vigorous activities (including lovemaking) that we become more present when we breathe. Much like most of the bodies’ processes we are unconscious of their activity until something draws our attention to them.
When we are making love and we are reaching closer to orgasm there is a greater likelihood that we are either holding onto our breath or we develop an erratic style of breathing just before the magical “pop” of the orgasm. Then our breathing regulates itself and we calm our nervous system down into a state of bliss and tranquillity. The problem with unconscious orgasms is that they are usually quite shallow and not as deep as they should be.
When we orgasm, our muscles become engaged and tense the closer we are to climaxing. A tense orgasm feels completely different from a conscious relaxed one. Many of us experience tension and pressure in the head after an orgasm and this is usually a sign that we are holding our breath and hyper tensing our muscles through the process rather than breathing through and consciously feeling the flow of the orgasm.
In Kundalini tantra, the Prana (the breath) is the lifeforce in the body, while Pranayama is the yogic practice of manipulating and controlling the flow of Prana throughout the body and its Chakras. So, who better to learn from than the sages who created the Kamasutra and the art of loving emphasizing the importance of the breath?
In my yoga practitioner studies, there is no moment when we steer away from the breath. A fundamental reason for this is so that we can guide and steer the body consciously through any pain or blockage that we may feel, in turn being able to steer the energy we have in our body to the various “subtle bodies” ultimately reaching a state of Nirvana.
When Pranayama is combined with another yogic practice, like Asana (or physical postures), the effects are powerfully felt physically and energetically. Whether you’re combining breath and poses, or just doing Pranayama alone, the practice can have a transformative impact on the energetic body.
Whether or not you are open to the idea of energy, breath is a scientifically proven method to help bring the body into an optimal state of being in the parasympathetic nervous system.
A technique for conscious orgasms
While we are reaching our orgasm, holding the breath is like a heavyweight on our pelvic floor and the sensations we feel here are usually used to push us over the edge. It can feel quite forceful in trying to reach climax. The bodily tension of trying to orgasm strains the diaphragm and there can be moments when trying to orgasm can feel challenging. This difficulty is because we detach from our deep breathing and instead aim for the release of the orgasm rather than recognizing that the whole process can be a release. If you’d like to experience a sensation that can travel throughout the entire body then try this technique:
Begin your masturbation experience by hyperventilating. Take in as many in- and out-breaths (vocally sounding them) as possible until you feel fuelled with oxygen. Do so with your eyes closed and be conscious of full in-breaths and full out-breaths. Feel the pressure building.
Follow whichever masturbatory style you enjoy but this time become conscious of your pelvic floor muscles and begin to pulse them. Keep your breathing deep both in and out.
If you feel familiar deep tension in the diaphragm, keep focusing on pulsing the pelvic floor muscles and allow yourself the time to connect with the breath
When you feel yourself getting closer to your orgasm, try to remain as conscious as you can of your breathing full long breaths to keep the body relaxed and open to the orgasm’s arrival.
Consciously note how your body will want to bear down on the pelvic floor to squeeze the orgasm out rather than flow out. The more aware of this process you become the more able you will become to surrender to a fuller orgasm.
Opening all areas
When we breathe in, we become alive and full, while when we breathe out, we let go of the bad and anything unnecessary. The key here is openness, and this openness applies to the anus, the yoni, the cervix, the mouth and the larynx (the throat).
One very simple exercise is focusing your breath on opening all the mentioned areas. By breathing in through the nose and mouth, the breath flows its way all the way down past the larynx to the anus, yoni and cervix. By following this breath with the intention to feel open while stimulating yourself, then become mindful of releasing this breath from the bottom up towards the mouth and allow the breath to be vocalized.
The intention is openness to allowing the orgasm to flow out and free the body from any built-up tension. If at any point you are holding onto fear and uncertainty there will no doubt be a blockage in one of these areas.
You may have heard that the second Chakra (the Sacral Chakra) is the home to our sexual energy. It is the melting pot of surplus energy needing release and flow to all the other Chakras in the body. This Chakra has an active role in our sexuality and the expression of our needs and desires. It is also deeply connected to our breath and how we breathe in particular.
The more open we are with our breathing, the more open this Chakra becomes. Add a bit of conscious awareness to the mix with the breath and not only do you have a fuller and richer orgasm but the additional benefit to this type of breathing is a massive reduction or elimination of nervous energy and anxiety.
How to make orgasms even better
Of all the Pranayama practices, Sushumna Nadi Pranayama is one of the simplest yet most effective breathing exercises that form not only the basis to many other breathing techniques but is particularly focused on the activation of the orgasm.
Breath awareness is vital in the awakening of Sushumna. Although the word Sushumna cannot be adequately translated into English, it indicates the state of an undisturbed and joyous mind. Imagine going into each and every orgasmic experience with this simple state… undisturbed and joyous. This whole process will allow you the opportunity to experience breath flowing freely and smoothly through both nostrils where the mind will attain a state of joy and calmness. This mental state is essential in helping the body open itself to the full experience of the orgasm. Remember that if the mind cannot be brought into a state of joy, there will be a direct impact on our ability to express our sexuality freely.
One benefit of this form of Pranayama is that the muscles of the pelvic floor will be activated aligning the rest of the body physically and energetically. This will help direct the mind towards becoming more orgasmically attuned. Ultimately the intention of these types of breathing exercises is to assist you in becoming so aware of your mental states that you can enter into and out of an orgasmic state immediately.
Sit upright, comfortably in a chair or I like to use a poof style yoga pillow.
Focus on breathing regularly diaphragmatically, then thoracically then ventricularly (tummy, middle of the chest, then upper chest)
On the next inhalation, pout your lips and sip the air through them. This will allow you to control the airflow.
While controlling your breath in, you will note an urge to take a bigger gasp of air, try to maintain the tight lips and draw your attention to engage your pelvic floor muscles.
Do not clench your buttocks, but engage the pelvic floor, they are two very different sensations.
Draw your attention to the breathing and imagine that the air you are taking in is caressing the energy from your pelvic floor up your spine. As the air moves upwards, begin to add tension into the muscles. All the while keeping your pelvic floor engaged.
Tighten your tummy and lower abdominal muscles
Open your chest and shoulders
Allow your head to gently tilt to a comfortable position
Once you have completed a full inhalation, intend on holding the breath with all the muscles up your spine engaged.
Your release needs to be like water flowing from your mouth. As you open your mouth gently allow yourself to vocalize the breath nurturing it out intending for all the muscles going down the spine to soften.
Allow yourself to practice this breath as much as you like, but be mindful at the end of each breath, giving yourself time to relax into it.
Partner assisted mutual masturbation
An image I hold deeply ingrained in my mind when I think of Kundalini tantra and orgasms is the woman straddling her man face to face, heart to heart, sacrum to sacrum, intertwined with one another. This position beautifully illustrates the connectedness and power we can harness from doing orgasmic breathwork with a partner.
The breathing exercises above can all be transferred into this position, where you are focused on your breathing, the skin of your partner, engaging all the senses and most importantly being present with the love you feel for yourself allowing this love to overflow to your partner.
When you have both arrived at an aligned rhythm, you can separate from this position, still touching but with some distance to be able to access your yoni and his penis. Maintaining the breathing, engaging in ravishing our partner with our gaze, be present in feeling the flow of energy that is coming from both of you. Feeling the connection. Feeling the breath. Feeling each other and allowing the flow of arousal to take you where it needs to take you.
This experience is wonderful because it allows both partners the opportunity to be very present and be observers of the flow of the others’ orgasm. It is not only instructional in how we like to masturbate ourselves but also allows a different intimate feel from the norm.
The beauty of breathwork
Ultimately, the more we become familiar with how our body, mind and spirit are intertwined in our breath, the greater our experience of life will become. It is no wonder that many monks spend years practicing just breathwork. Their intention may be slightly different from ours but forms the basis of freedom within our sexuality. This will allow us to feel a constant sense of being alive, connected and present… oh and don’t forget the added bonus of delicious orgasms.
Massimo Stocchi-Fontana
I am a Sexologist, Accredited Sex Coach, Psychological Therapist, Executive Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, Accredited CPD Speaker and a 200 RYT Yoga Instructor. Sorry for the mouthful :) apart from the professional accreditations, I have dedicated my life to the study of psychology and sexology with the fundamental aim of helping people realize their true sexual self-image. Equally understanding that the sense of mental and bodily freedom is available to everyone through doing the necessary work.
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