What If A Childfree Woman Has More Chance To Be Happy?

Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

As individuals, we are conditioned to normalize a certain lifestyle that often includes marriage and kids. What happens if you don't fit this dominant narrative? In a society where motherhood is glorified, and kids are the ultimate source of fulfillment, what could a successful life look like for a childfree woman? 

Childish, selfish, cold-hearted, crazy cat ladies. The childfree woman is often mocked, yet, she follows her own path. And, perhaps, that's why she disturbs so much.

However, we entered a new era: women are more independent, and their lives are not reduced to getting married and having children anymore. Some even happily choose to opt-out of kids, but still feel intense pressure from people and society altogether. How to explain this gap? 

The childfree movement, modern lifestyle & demographic trend 

As a woman, people don't ask you IF you want children, but WHEN you will have children. Through this apparently genuine question, there is already an assumption that you should conceive, and more than that, you're expected to want it. 

Thankfully, more and more women realize that bearing children is a choice, and intentionally remain childfree.

Childfree women: current statistics

Note: the numbers don't make the difference between women who are childfree by choice or by circumstance.

Let's dive into some numbers.

• In the UK, one in five women entering their 40s is childfree.

• In Germany, 22% of women in their 40s don't have children.

• In France, 12 to 16% of women born in 1980 won't have children.

• In the US, in 1976, 35% of fertile women were childfree compared to 49% today.

• In South Korea, statistics show an average of less than a child per woman.

• In China, the number of births keeps on dropping for several years.

The 2017 Global Burden of Disease Study reveals a global phenomenon, as the world fertility rate has halved since 1950. 

How to explain this childfree trend?

• "Kids are pricier than ever": 59% of millennials didn't imagine raising kids is so expensive.

• There is more awareness of the impact of overpopulation. If we look at numbers, having kids could be considered the worst thing you can do for the planet: one child equals 58.6 tonnes of carbon emitted per year!

• Growing gender equality made women more independent, career-oriented, which allowed them to invest time in their passion. 

Glorification of motherhood, an age-old model

A stigma rooted in language

Most languages make the difference between a girl and a woman. While it totally makes sense when differentiating females of different ages, there is another meaning to it.

The transition from being a girl to becoming a woman is generally associated with marriage and procreation. In many conservative cultures, she will be considered a girl until she has kids. On some level, it’s a way to deny womanhood to those who don't conceive.

Mother or nothing

Throughout history, women have been confined to their role of caregivers and household duties. Their ability to create life defined their identity, worth, and purpose in society.

That's still the case in developing countries: infertile or childfree women still face discrimination and ostracism. It can go until being considered a burden on the community and a justification for husbands to look for the favors of other women. It all comes back to punishing those who are unable to conceive, which has been a reality for ages.

The root of the stigma? Reducing women to their role of mothers, and the inability to separate them from motherhood.

Reality check: how are childfree women really doing?

Apparently, childfree women live longer, are happier, and feel empowered because they follow their path rather than obeying the norms.

Explanation.

Having kids? The most beautiful thing in the world, they say. Well, this 2016 study shows a different trend. The data gathered from 22 countries shows that non-parents are widely happier than parents in the USA. That's what researchers called the "parenting happiness gap".

Of course, we should not generalize the whole experience of being a parent as a less happy one. These results can also be explained by the fact that parenting comes with a mixed lot of emotions, that society doesn't always valorize, or worse, penalize women for being mothers. On top of that, we can't really deny that the image of the mother is romanticized as the "most beautiful thing in the world". 

For example, women are more likely to take on most of the familial duties, household responsibilities, thus being financially penalized. Indeed, 21% of women declared being less paid for the same job after taking time off for their children.

What is being a woman?

Today's takeaway: regardless of being a mother or not, what does it mean to be a woman for you? As a woman shouldn't be defined by motherhood, there isn't one way to be one.

Follow your own script! We need more role models to show us the way ♥

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