Soft wands, their pleasure and the benefit of condom usage

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Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are two physiological dysfunctions that affect a large proportion of men all over the world. There are a number of contributing factors that can lead to these problems but the focus here is on the psychological.

It is always advisable to go and see a urologist or your doctor if you feel you are having erection problems as this is usually a red flag for another underlying condition that is being neglected. Once any medical and physiological concerns have been ruled out by a urologist, you can then begin focusing on the psychological aspects that may be hindering you during your lovemaking experiences.

As men, we are terrified of losing our erections because of how society has presented masculinity: it has unfortunately been resting on the idea of virility. This has deep roots in our biology because from a purely reproductive perspective, a soft wand is not going to be as useful in the act of procreation as would a hard wand. This doesn’t mean that having a soft wand a man can’t ejaculate or penetrate his partner, but it will come with a bit more work. There are countless examples of men and women reproducing with a soft wand.

The pleasure of a soft wand

The pleasure that comes from a soft wand is largely down to the mindset of the man and woman in question as if both parties have a great amount of shame attached to the inability to perform, the energy and energetic transfer within the sexual encounter won’t be working in either favor.

There has to be a great degree of care and love that the man can show himself, in turn, there has to be a great degree of appreciation and looking out the box from the woman’s perspective. One thing that cannot happen is the woman resting her sexual excitedness on the man’s response of feeling ashamed.

Because if we look at the basic component that is almost always neglected in losing an erection is the role of the breath. Most men in a state of panic will not only have the desire to withdraw, but they too will experience an immediate effect on their breathing. It will become more shallow and there is a greater likelihood that he will not be breathing fully through his diaphragm, then ventricularly and then thoracically. In essence, his body will be placed deeper and deeper into a state of shock and the body will naturally keep blood flowing to the necessary parts of his body.

From a perspective of mirroring, we all have mirror neurons within us and in a situation like this, the woman in question will begin to unconsciously mirror the man’s panic and her breathing will become more shallow and begin to induce a state of anxiety within herself. Here you have a recipe for disaster.

So consciously speaking, even if the relationship is a new one, be mindful that your immediate reaction needs to be held back and a more loving and caring approach should be taken.

Once this has been established, we can begin to look away from the idea of penetration and begin to look at foreplay. Foreplay in my mind being throughout the whole sexual encounter, so the experience is a continuous act of foreplay. There can be the moving away from the desire to penetrate to one of exploration and play.

It is here that a man will then be able to experience the different sensations that come with a soft wand, while the woman can use his wand to stimulate herself and use the technique of soft entry to maintain the connection and allow the intimacy to be maintained.

By using a large amount of lubrication for the soft entry, it will also allow both parties to experience the different sensations that come with soft play. It is here that a different kind of intimacy will be experienced and the degree of openness to the experience will depend on the mindset going in.

What this experience truly allows to happen is the re-sensitization of the penis, in the sense that once the anxiety and worry about performance has subdued it will allow both parties to connect with the wonderful range of feelings that come with being soft. This positions the man and woman to re-sensitize their bodies to become more receptive to different types of touch and sensations. This too will allow both people the opportunity to harmonize and what will naturally occur is the reinvigoration of the wand.

Condom usage and a soft cock

The importance of condom usage is never spoken about enough in my opinion, but condoms also get a very bad rep in general as being the component that takes away sensitivity and closeness between two people having sex.

Of course, there is the very real knowledge that something foreign has been introduced into the sexual picture but it is more about the man’s reaction to using a condom that has more relevance than the decreased sensation and excuses for not using a condom.

What will usually occur with an unpractised man in condom usage is, he will be concentrated on the difference in sensation rather than the familiarity of sensation. This will all feel completely foreign to him and, unless very aroused, may lose his erection as a result.

This is an important aspect that men from a young age throughout the rest of their lives need to address. The younger generation of men can use this experience as a double whammy because not only are they familiarising themselves with different sensations and can understand the difference in arousal states and sensations, but they can also ensure that their relationship with condoms is a positive one.

It is here that safe sex becomes vital and because they have established a good relationship with condom usage they are slowly affecting the whole of the male population’s unconscious. The collective unconscious in men will begin to thrive and there will be a natural adjustment in attitude towards safe sex practices for one, and the level of respect that men will have for their partners and themselves will increase too. 

Ultimately, men have a beautiful opportunity to challenge two aspects here. Firstly is their relationship with the preconceived idea that sex is just about penetration and secondly all the stigma attached to condom usage. This process will allow men the opportunity to challenge feelings of shame and the need for performance growing towards a perspective of experiencing a love for oneself in a healthy and progressive manner.

Soft entry exercise for strengthening soft wands to assist in erasing anxiety around losing an erection

Lubrication is key for both the wand and the yoni as this makes the entry much easier and less forceful in the process. You have the option here to use your wand to stimulate your partner’s clitoris or she can hold your wand to stimulate herself. There is a wonderful sensation in play here that both can experience.

Being on top in missionary position or behind is easier to enter your partner, but the most important is being able to find the right position for both of you where there is a degree of comfort aiding the entry.

It is important to circle your thumb and forefinger around the base of your wand like a penis ring. This allows there to be a conscious awareness drawn to the engorged wand and it will allow the man to visually recognize that there is blood flow. This is the point where penetration can begin. Be mindful of your thrusting and keep the use of your hand for as long as necessary.

The intention at this point is to focus on the feeling of fullness in the penis and an added focus on the breath. In most cases where there is a loss of erection, it is inevitable that our breathing becomes erratic and we begin holding our breath rather than breathing fully. Draw your attention to your breath and focus your breath on the wonderful sensations coming from the experience.

While breathing and conscious thrusting, be aware that squeezing your perineum and buttocks will aid in pushing blood to your genitals. This can be done by breathing in and relaxing the perineum, and squeezing when you breathe out to push blood to your genitals

When you are fully erect you can remove your hand aiding in the process and enjoy the full range of sensations you have cultivated for yourself and your partner. ♥︎

Massimo Stocchi-Fontana

I am a Sexologist, Accredited Sex Coach, Psychological Therapist, Executive Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, Accredited CPD Speaker and a 200 RYT Yoga Instructor. Sorry for the mouthful :) apart from the professional accreditations, I have dedicated my life to the study of psychology and sexology with the fundamental aim of helping people realize their true sexual self-image. Equally understanding that the sense of mental and bodily freedom is available to everyone through doing the necessary work.

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